But He Said He's Sorry
It's so magical. He's handsome, charming, funny and you get lost in his eyes. You get butterflies when he walks in the room and everyone on Instagram comments "Goals."
You're together for a few blissful months before you see red flags popping up amongst the good moments. He starts talking down to you. Whether it's raising his voice, making comments about your appearance or joking about you in front of other people, it happens. Even in the midst of his playful laugh that sometimes follows, you still feel the sting.
You justify his jealously constantly. He asks to check your phone, doesn't let you talk with certain people and bursts when you're around other guys. But it's okay, right? He's just protective. He's just immature. He's just in a bad mood. Until he's not.
You walk on egg shells, wondering what outfit, text or comment will set him off next. You live in fear of the same person who sends you good morning texts. You start to think that it's your fault that he gets angry. I'm here to tell you that it's not.
Your friends and family either beg you to leave him or have no idea what happens behind the filtered life you've displayed. Time goes on and for every late night phone call, there is a late night fight that leaves you in tears, contemplating "Should I do it? Should I leave him?"
I've been here. I didn't want to admit it for a long time, even after the break up. I'm strong, bold, stubborn. How could I have let this happen? Why did I let him treat me like that? Even in the few times he became physically rough with me, I let the smiling face holding flowers back in. Time, after time, after time. Until I completely lost who I was.
Don't lose who you are. Don't be defensive of his behavior. Don't protect him. 'Love is blind' but that is not love. You wouldn't even be fooling yourself to say it is.
It may seem scary to leave but trust me, it's scarier to stay. You are worth more than that. You are worth the cross. That is the standard to which you are loved.
Stop living with a pit in your stomach and constant nagging in your mind. Stop giving him 'another chance.' Stop saying that the next time something happens, you'll end it. Something has already happened. End it before it continues another day. Each day you stay now will be a day you have to spend healing in the future.
Emotional & verbal abuse IS abuse but I'm done feeling sorry for myself because of that. I have taken my life completely back. The scars are just a reminder of that I've been through. I am loved by Jesus. I am loved by my husband who displays the love of Jesus. I have a freedom and a love greater than all others.
Trust me that leaving is worth it. There are greater things on the other side.